Should I live in a Sober House ... continued

When I was presented with this proposition, as I mentioned yesterday, I was totally opposed to it.  I thought myself "too evolved" for that (can you believe that? LOL).  Truth be told, I thought I was "in control" of myself and my life - that's what I really thought.  So I tried the independent living for a while and guess what?  I hit a few roadblocks.  I had no structure to speak of and no real accountability.  I did great for a while but then those pesky character defects started rearing their ugly heads and, boy, we went to battle.

Now, you might be thinking .... hmmm, if she was working her program and working her steps thoroughly, those defects may not have been eating her lunch.  And, of course, that may be true for the most part.  BUT, again, I am living large in my own apartment, got a new car, got a new job, got a new guy, got a new this and that and my head is exploding.  And, remember, if I don't want to do my step work or hit a meeting .... well, who is there to tell me that I probably should?  Well, ME of course - and that didn't happen.  So, my selfishness and self-centeredness were my guides.  And I certainly followed them.

Then ... my life started resembling a merry-go-round!  I had to ride that thing a few times and I got to have some real-time consequences as a result.   So, I guess I don't have to tell you how that ended, right?  The defects and old behavior and old way of thinking won!!  And those practices left me tired, bruised and battered (spiritually, mentally, emotionally, financially - you name it).

It's ironic because my sponsor(s) ... yes, by that time I had a couple from sister programs ... they both tried to point out to me what was going on.  I was too arrogant and prideful and such a smarty-pants, that I thought they were crazy - they didn't know me like I knew me and, as expected, I totally dismissed their direction and advice.  Well, let me take that back.  I started taking their direction but got side-tracked now and again ... but I continued to pray for willingness and more willingness and more willingness.  By the grace of God --- I was eventually able to get off that merry-go-round and I was afforded the opportunity to get really really real (HONEST) with myself and God.

What a blessing!  Of course, I don't believe I saw it as a blessing back then, but I started practicing humility getting "right sized" and following direction.  I moved into a sober house, I did the work I was asked to do and practiced staying in gratitude ... and wahla!  I started getting different results - good ones, the right ones, healthy ones.  And you know?   I actually started feeling different - in a good way.

The fact that my housemates were moving in the same direction served as a guide for me, after all, I don't want to be an outsider, now do I?  But seriously, I really needed the humility and structure and being held accountable.  It was very difficult to swallow at first but, before I knew it, my life started changing for the better.

Then I got to move to RHouse and the rest is history!  I am so grateful to have been given the opportunity to join this house and to begin managing it.  The actual experience of learning to manage a sober house has been invaluable to me.  I am consistently put in the position of making choices.  Shall I practice a character defect?  Or shall I practice a spiritual principle?   Ummm, let's see ... I think spiritual principle.  Yea, that's what I'll do.  And then I actually do it!

The journey has been phenomenal and, as they say --  the "hits" just keep on comin'!  And I mean solid gold!!

Hope all have a super fantabulous day!!

Back in the day ... Should I live in a Sober House?

Wow!  What a big question for many people to ponder.  Personally, I have to admit I was totally opposed to it.  That fact in itself should have been a red flag for me.  (Oh, if I knew then what I know now.)  But, being who we are - we   believe we know what we need, what we are doing, how to do it, etc.  When I found myself faced with the fact that my options were limited (after a relapse, of course!),  I had to surrender to the fact that it may be the only option I had.  And, of course, I found it quite challenging.  It was a little daunting to have to share space after having my own apartment.  Not only that, but I wasn't sure I would get along with the other house members because I wanted everyone to like me (sound familiar?).  And, I also lacked humility at that point and found myself zeroing in on all the things that were "objectionable" to me.  I really made a hard go of it for myself.  But, I adore my sponsor and found myself calling her often.  She ALWAYS tells me the truth and back then, I ALWAYS hated it.  But I was serious about my sobriety and was determined to do whatever I needed to do to maintain my sanity.  Long story short, I discovered that I really did not have to have an opinion one way or the other about a multitude of things - live and let live - get it?

I have learned that if I neutralize myself long enough to "see" other people as my fellows, I have a much less intolerant attitude and a much more accepting heart.  I grew to love the company of my sisters and really felt useful when someone needed an ear or a shoulder or a ride or something that I was able to share with them.  I learned to close my mouth and open ears and that resulted in my heart and my mind opening up quite a bit.  I am very grateful that I was put in the position of having very few options .... it helps me keep it simple.  Things are always better when I do that!