This isn't
really a game, is it? Oddly enough, many of us seem to make it so. And even more odd - some of us seem to enjoy it!
Hmmmm, you know I read a very timely reading this morning entitled:
The Basics, from Melody Beattie's
52 Weeks of Conscious Contact (pg 41, Week 9). That reading hit me square between the eyes.
Here is the excerpt:
"Isn't everyone codependent?" a woman asked me. "Maybe," I said. It is easy to get embroiled in other people's dramas. Isn't it even easier to see what other people need to do to take care of themselves, rather than tend to our own affairs? That's when we need to remember the basics of taking care of ourselves.''
These basics include comfortable living arrangements, enough sleep, proper nutrition and hygiene, social contact, fun or pleasure, taking responsibility for our own emotions, earning enough money to pay our bills, taking responsibility for own own goals and dreams, and saying no -- sometimes to other and sometimes to our own impulses.
My daughter introduced me to a computer game recently. It's a game where you create a city and get to rule the lives of the people in it. In this game, you get to decide where the people sleep, how much they sleep, when they eat, when they go to the bathroom, when they take a shower, whether they clean up after themselves, when they rest, whether they go to work so they can pay their bills and buy food, how much education they get, and how much they socialize. Kind of like play God.
"You can make people go crazy", my daughter explained. "All you have to do is not let them get enough sleep."
One of the meanings of "jaded" is being exhausted. Not getting enough sleep, not eating properly, not tending to our own emotions or our social needs can easily cause us to become jaded.
We make ourselves feel crazy by not tending to the basics. It was tempting to torture the people in the game just to see how they reacted. Sometimes it's tempting to torture ourselves.
Value: Self-care, practicing the basics.
Some of us seem to get caught in that swirl of drama, emotions, highs and lows. We get to assume the roles (game pieces or "icons" ...
don't you like the sound of that? I think some of us do - more than we care to admit.). We get to be someone or something else, maybe it's someone or something we "think" we should be - other than what/who we are. (Old belief systems!!)
Now as I sit here writing, some things are occurring to me. That
thing I read the other day (and God knows, something I have actually said to others I do/have done program work with) is crystalizing -- revealing itself to me --- again! That
thing about behaviors and the repeating of behaviors and how there is something in us that is "fed" by practicing the behavior and the result produced. Now, who (that's got more than a couple of days strung together) in recovery wants to believe that?
Hmmm, must be ego blocking my vision.
Now, getting back to the game pieces - here is my interpretation (today) of those pieces, the progression of the game and how we get to play those roles:
The Friend/Partner - this makes me feel good, a part of
The Helpful Friend/Partner - this makes me feel
really good
The Advisor - this makes me feel important
The Assistant - this makes me feel needed
The Caretaker - this makes me feel needed, useful, helpful, important -
until it makes me resentful
The Rescuer/Fixer - this makes me feel all of the above + capable -
until it makes me feel obligated
The Martyr - this makes me feel obligated but necessary
The Victim - this makes me feel justified (for feeling angry, resentful, hurt, abused, etc.)
The Repeat Offender - ** most important or significant game piece **
(referring to the reading above, this can also be identified as the "tortured soul" .... ummm sounds dramatic doesn't it?) Now one would think this last icon/game piece is that person we are playing the game with - but, alas, it is not! It's probably not even a game piece you see, recognize, admit to even being present or a part of your game. But I am here to tell you it is - it is there, hidden under all the chaos. It is US - you and ME.
The Obsession -
no explanation or definition necessary
This game of codependency -- IS it really just PLAYING GOD? Yeeee-ooouch! And YES, it is!
Has this become our new "fix", our new "drug of choice"?
Guess what? That is one game that NEVER ends well, NEVER ends in victory for you or me and NEVER has the reward we are seeking. We can never win when we play this game - NEVER!! I will repeat:
Has this become our new "fix", our new "drug of choice"? Can you see what I am talking about?
Step "away" from the game .... RE-READ the excerpt .... just for today, try to practice self-love, self-care - get back the "the basics". And then do it again - tomorrow!
