Wednesday, November 27, 2013

Life Lessons


Ever wonder why certain situations seems to show up in your life over and over - and over AGAIN?
Well .... perhaps there is a lesson that you are supposed to learn from this that you haven't accepted, recognized, allowed yourself to see, or didn't appear clear to you.  It seems to hold true for me, even though it is crystal clear to others around me.  It can be very clear to my sponsor, my best friend, my network in recovery, maybe even my family.   MY eyes simply haven't opened or cleared from the fog of an "emotional bond".  MY mind hasn't opened enough to see in a "logical' way.  MY heart hasn't healed perhaps to the degree it needed to.

I read a meditation this morning about trusting "ourselves".  Do you trust yourself?  Are you berating yourself about repeating a pattern (that looks like making the same "mistake" again?).  Are you questioning your own judgment?  Are you second-guessing every choice or decision you make when it pertains to a certain someone, certain situation, certain behavior?

Well, there is hope!  We can learn to trust ourselves again - we really can.  And, guess what?  It kinda feels awkward.  At least for me it does.  But that's just because we have fallen back into an old unhealthy pattern and now that we are finally able, capable, willing to see the truth, it feel's a little weird - good and not so good.  I will describe it as feeling right, then having a little self-doubt, then immediately realizing that what I did, or did not do, was the right thing - for ME.  We are finally able to make the right choice, take the right action or refrain from taking any action - whatever the case may be - for ourself!  We seem to  suddenly be considering ourself - instead of the other person, place or thing!  Woo-hoo!!  Never give up on yourself.

Today, I will let go of my fears about trusting myself because I have made mistakes in the past.  I understand that these fears only serve to impair my judgment today.  I will give my past, even my mistakes, validity by accepting and being grateful for it all.  I will strive to see what I've gained from my mistakes.  I will try to look at all my good decisions too.  I will keep an eye for improvement, for overall progress, in my life.

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