Life Lessons

Ever wonder why certain situations seems to show up in your life over and over - and over AGAIN?
Well .... perhaps there is a lesson that you are supposed to learn from this that you haven't accepted, recognized, allowed yourself to see, or didn't appear clear to you.  It seems to hold true for me, even though it is crystal clear to others around me.  It can be very clear to my sponsor, my best friend, my network in recovery, maybe even my family.   MY eyes simply haven't opened or cleared from the fog of an "emotional bond".  MY mind hasn't opened enough to see in a "logical' way.  MY heart hasn't healed perhaps to the degree it needed to.

I read a meditation this morning about trusting "ourselves".  Do you trust yourself?  Are you berating yourself about repeating a pattern (that looks like making the same "mistake" again?).  Are you questioning your own judgment?  Are you second-guessing every choice or decision you make when it pertains to a certain someone, certain situation, certain behavior?

Well, there is hope!  We can learn to trust ourselves again - we really can.  And, guess what?  It kinda feels awkward.  At least for me it does.  But that's just because we have fallen back into an old unhealthy pattern and now that we are finally able, capable, willing to see the truth, it feel's a little weird - good and not so good.  I will describe it as feeling right, then having a little self-doubt, then immediately realizing that what I did, or did not do, was the right thing - for ME.  We are finally able to make the right choice, take the right action or refrain from taking any action - whatever the case may be - for ourself!  We seem to  suddenly be considering ourself - instead of the other person, place or thing!  Woo-hoo!!  Never give up on yourself.

Today, I will let go of my fears about trusting myself because I have made mistakes in the past.  I understand that these fears only serve to impair my judgment today.  I will give my past, even my mistakes, validity by accepting and being grateful for it all.  I will strive to see what I've gained from my mistakes.  I will try to look at all my good decisions too.  I will keep an eye for improvement, for overall progress, in my life.

Hmmm -- What Does Your "Feelings Meter" Read Today?

Feelings are just feelings; there is no morality in the feeling, only in our behavior. 

Things that make you go "Hmmm".  That is what  I happened when I read that line above.  Well, actually... it was the words morality and behavior that kicked my gut and got my brain humming.

How many of you stopped in your tracks when you read that line?  Hmmm.

Things really change for us when we start living sober.  "Say what?  You mean I can't justify my bad behavior any more?"  I must say that those were my thoughts once I started working the steps and taking inventory and I was none too happy about that either.  But it was pointed out to me that working a program of recovery included doing my inventory (not taking someone else's) and learning a new design for living.  Oh yea - that's right! My old way of living didn't work any more.  And learning to live differently meant learning to live by spiritual principles (What the .... ???)

Well, as I worked the steps and worked on developing a conscious contact with my Higher Power, the more I came to understand what that meant - for me at least.

I needed to get rid of the excuses in my life and I needed to stop allowing my feelings to run me and my life.  What I was given the task of doing was examining why my feelings were so powerful and why they held court over me and my actions.  The main reason was because before I got sober, I avoided my feelings by self-medicating or I acted out in irrational and selfish ways (I know --- hard to believe, right?  ME, selfish??)  . . . so I never learned how to address them in a healthy manner.  I never truly addressed any of those "feelings".

Through working my program AND with the objective guidance of my sponsor, I began to realize that they are only feelings - not action items!  They may not even necessarily be the truth --- and what they usually turned out to be was something fear-based (99.99% of the time actually!).

My program teaches me what to do when fear starts creeping into my mind . . . I must turn it over to my Higher Power.  When I think of that concept, I can usually locate a behavior that is more in alignment with my new moral or spiritual compass (yes, I actually have those today).  And when I am willing to do just that, I don't have that messy mess to clean up.  Hooray for that!!

So, tell me - do your feelings hold you captive today?  Do your feelings run your life?  Send me a comment.