STUCK? Work a Step!!

 Step Work .... Do I have faith it will work? 

Well, apparently if I am feeling stuck - it is usually in an emotion ... a feeling - most often fear of "something".  Do I need faith in them before I make a start?  NO!  I just need the willingness to work a step to the best of my ability.  If I am not a newcomer, I can usually determine which step applies to what I am experiencing.  BUT, a good rule of thumb is to go back to Step One - Admitting I am Powerless.  Because that is basically our dilemma - no power!  Which, for us, usually translates to "no control!!!"  Yikes!  Who likes THAT feeling?  I usually don't but it is the truth about much.  And that is okay. Control, most times, is an illusion anyway.

Happy ~ Happy ~ Joy ~ Joy

I just know that if I am "twisted, off center, disturbed" mentally, emotionally or spiritually about anything - working a step on that situation, that perception, that feeling or emotion - ALWAYS brings me relief.

Geez!!!  I feel better already!!!  :-)

Hmmm -- What Does Your "Feelings Meter" Read Today?

Feelings are just feelings; there is no morality in the feeling, only in our behavior. 

Things that make you go "Hmmm".  That is what  I happened when I read that line above.  Well, actually... it was the words morality and behavior that kicked my gut and got my brain humming.

How many of you stopped in your tracks when you read that line?  Hmmm.

Things really change for us when we start living sober.  "Say what?  You mean I can't justify my bad behavior any more?"  I must say that those were my thoughts once I started working the steps and taking inventory and I was none too happy about that either.  But it was pointed out to me that working a program of recovery included doing my inventory (not taking someone else's) and learning a new design for living.  Oh yea - that's right! My old way of living didn't work any more.  And learning to live differently meant learning to live by spiritual principles (What the .... ???)

Well, as I worked the steps and worked on developing a conscious contact with my Higher Power, the more I came to understand what that meant - for me at least.

I needed to get rid of the excuses in my life and I needed to stop allowing my feelings to run me and my life.  What I was given the task of doing was examining why my feelings were so powerful and why they held court over me and my actions.  The main reason was because before I got sober, I avoided my feelings by self-medicating or I acted out in irrational and selfish ways (I know --- hard to believe, right?  ME, selfish??)  . . . so I never learned how to address them in a healthy manner.  I never truly addressed any of those "feelings".

Through working my program AND with the objective guidance of my sponsor, I began to realize that they are only feelings - not action items!  They may not even necessarily be the truth --- and what they usually turned out to be was something fear-based (99.99% of the time actually!).

My program teaches me what to do when fear starts creeping into my mind . . . I must turn it over to my Higher Power.  When I think of that concept, I can usually locate a behavior that is more in alignment with my new moral or spiritual compass (yes, I actually have those today).  And when I am willing to do just that, I don't have that messy mess to clean up.  Hooray for that!!

So, tell me - do your feelings hold you captive today?  Do your feelings run your life?  Send me a comment.

Trusting God

I am challenging you to share with me some examples of how you are "trusting God" in your life today.

How has doing this been helpful to you in your life or your recovery?

What has been the most difficult for you in all of this?

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Do You Hear When You Listen?

Are you HEARING me?  I mean, really hearing me?

How well do you listen?

• Do you interrupt while someone is talking to you?  Is this a reaction to a word or snippet of what they are attempting to say versus a response to what has been said?

• Do you listen to your own body?  Like that anxious or hurried feeling we sometimes feel from drinking too much coffee first thing in the morning?

• Are you watching someone talking to you and daydreaming about something else and commenting just to have something to say?

Learning to listen well takes practice.   At least it did for me.  It took me learning to quiet my own mind because the chatter going on in my own head was relentless.  One of the things that really, really helped me learn to become a better listener was meditation.  Meditation helped me quiet my mind .... go figure :-)

I find that when I am in a calm place (internally - which is what results for me when I meditate regularly) that I can listen with intention. I actually "hear" what is being said and I do not automatically react (which for me used to equal "giving advice") - an old behavior of mine.

Today, I can actually respond - or not.  (Was there even a question being asked?)  When I do respond, it is after I have thought about what was actually said.  Then, and only then, can I determine whether a response at all is even necessary.

Sometimes people just need someone to listen - nothing more.

Today, I do not view myself as being "the authority on everything" that I MUST respond (or react) to everything that is being said.

And who says you can't teach an old dawg new tricks???

Discipline

Is this what you think when you hear the word "discipline"?  We all need structure and discipline in recovery.  What exactly does that mean for us?  This means the day-to-day performing of tasks whether these are recovery behaviors or washing the dishes or brushing your teeth and taking a shower or showing up for a job interview on time or attending our meetings or doing our step work.

When we are in our addiction, we move far away from normal, healthy day-to-day behaviors because our main priority is feeding our addiction.  When we come into recovery, most (if not all) of us have to relearn these behaviors.  We seem to forget how to plan and organize our day ahead of time, how to be accountable with the simplest things and even how to clean up after ourselves ...  and we end up "flying by the seat of our pants".  Developing discipline helps move us toward feeling capable and confident again in ourselves as worthy, functioning human beings.

It's funny how we "feel" like we ARE being responsible and accountable.  But we must ask ourselves - what is the TRUTH?  We run on our emotions - which lie to us!  It takes us a little while to let go our old belief system because the book tells us we can no longer determine the "true" from the "false".  The uncommon (for a healthy person) has become common to us.

Example:

Sleeping until 5 minutes before I have to fly out the door to catch a bus. Now this seems completely normal to me at first because this is what I have been doing for awhile now. Today, that behavior screams to me: You are living like you lived in your addiction! And the truth is that today, I am not in my addiction - I am sober and must relearn how to live like I am sober and responsible and accountable and worthy of a wonderful life. So while living in a sober house, I get a reminder and if that reminder doesn't spur me into different action, boundaries are set and I get consequences (which I usually don't see as pleasant - or fair - or what I think I deserve .... sound familiar??). 

I can laugh about that today because my behaviors have changed and I am no longer a victim to that addict thinking.  And at the end of the day - the uncommon becomes common to me (again) - but now it's right-side up instead of up-side down.  Yay!!!

One of the beauties of living in a sober environment is that we have models and guides around us. We have rules put in place for a purpose. We have the opportunity to learn from others and model healthy behaviors of those who have been there longer than us. And we get to practice these new behaviors and we get to have consequences if we don't. Consequences always seem to be such great motivators, don't they??

Tell me - how is your discipline today?  Tell me some of your experiences with this -- send me a comment!