Had to share this with all ..... please read.

Is the Lion at YOUR Door??

Happy New Year to All!

So here we are at beginning of a brand new year.  I was moved to blog this morning because so much has transpired in the last many months.  So many people have moved through my life lately and while it saddens me to see them go, I am filled with joy and gratitude because I know most of them are moving forward in their own lives and that is the true name of this game!  

I do what I do so that I can experience that and witness that and hopefully play a some small part in that transformation for many.  I will miss them all but I get to see them blossom and grow.  THAT is a true blessing and a gift.

My life is richer because I get to share in this experience and I also am in a place to learn from each of them.  That is exciting!  Sometimes the lessons are not so comfortable but I embrace them all because I know that growth is not always comfortable.  You see, I am also here to learn and experience new things and to grow in my personal life.

So to all of the women who have passed through this house, I have posted my wish for you!  Be well, be true, be accountable, be honest, be compassionate to yourself to others!  💞   💖  💟  💖  💞

Self-Care

"When I say NO to you, I'm saying YES to me."  That is a quote from Wisdom in the Rooms and when I first read it, it struck me! It struck me in many ways actually.  I have been having issues with saying yes when I really mean NO.  Or at least I felt like saying "no, I don't want to, that's not my problem or job or responsibility".  You know the drill.

You know what?  It feels really, really good to be completely honest with myself and today I was able to do it, sort of.  Let's just say the message will be heard when I don't show up to that place that I don't want to be.  I am beginning to realize that speaking my truth is about self-care.  It doesn't mean I don't care about another person or their situation or predicament. It just means I care more about "me".

So, today I can take care of MY responsibilities and MY life and MY self.  I can love myself enough to speak my truth and follow through with it!  Very liberating ~ very empowering ~ very honest.  It felt good to value myself and my life more today!

I encourage all of you out there who are trying to "be all" to someone other than yourself to try it .... you'll like it!

Change Your Outlook -- Can Do!

Change your outlook

a simple link - click on it!

Oh, The Games We Play!

This isn't really a game, is it?  Oddly enough, many of us seem to make it so.  And even more odd - some of us seem to enjoy it!

Hmmmm, you know I read a very timely reading this morning entitled: The Basics, from Melody Beattie's 52 Weeks of Conscious Contact (pg 41, Week 9).  That reading hit me square between the eyes.

Here is the excerpt:

  "Isn't everyone codependent?" a woman asked me.  "Maybe," I said.    It is easy to get embroiled in other people's dramas.  Isn't it even easier to see what other people need to do to take care of themselves, rather than tend to our own affairs? That's when we need to remember the basics of taking care of ourselves.''
    These basics include comfortable living arrangements, enough sleep, proper nutrition and hygiene, social contact, fun or pleasure, taking responsibility for our own emotions, earning enough money to pay our bills, taking responsibility for own own goals and dreams, and saying no -- sometimes to other and sometimes to our own impulses.
    My daughter introduced me to a computer game recently. It's a game where you create a city and get to rule the lives of the people in it. In this game, you get to decide where the people sleep, how much they sleep, when they eat, when they go to the bathroom, when they take a shower, whether they clean up after themselves, when they rest, whether they go to work so they can pay their bills and buy food, how much education they get, and how much they socialize.  Kind of like play God.
    "You can make people go crazy", my daughter explained.  "All you have to do is not let them get enough sleep."
    One of the meanings of "jaded" is being exhausted. Not getting enough sleep, not eating properly, not tending to our own emotions or our social needs can easily cause us to become jaded.
    We make ourselves feel crazy by not tending to the basics. It was tempting to torture the people in the game just to see how they reacted.  Sometimes it's tempting to torture ourselves.

   Value: Self-care, practicing the basics.

Some of us seem to get caught in that swirl of drama, emotions, highs and lows.  We get to assume the roles (game pieces or "icons" ... don't you like the sound of that?  I think some of us do - more than we care to admit.).  We get to be someone or something else, maybe it's someone or something we "think" we should be - other than what/who we are.  (Old belief systems!!)

Now as I sit here writing, some things are occurring to me.  That thing I read the other day (and God knows, something I have actually said to others I do/have done program work with) is crystalizing -- revealing itself to me  --- again!  That thing  about behaviors and the repeating of behaviors and how there is something in us that is "fed" by practicing the behavior and the result produced.   Now, who (that's got more than a couple of days strung together) in recovery wants to believe that?  Hmmm, must be ego blocking my vision.

Now, getting back to the game pieces - here is my interpretation (today) of those pieces, the progression of the game and how we get to play those roles:

The Friend/Partner  - this makes me feel good, a part of
The Helpful Friend/Partner  - this makes me feel really good
The Advisor  - this makes me feel important
The Assistant  - this makes me feel needed
The Caretaker  - this makes me feel needed, useful, helpful, important - until it makes me resentful
The Rescuer/Fixer  - this makes me feel all of the above + capable - until it makes me feel obligated
The Martyr  - this makes me feel obligated but necessary
The Victim  - this makes me feel justified (for feeling angry, resentful, hurt, abused, etc.)
The Repeat Offender  - ** most important or significant game piece ** (referring to the reading above, this can also be identified as the "tortured soul" .... ummm sounds dramatic doesn't it?)  Now one would think this last icon/game piece is that person we are playing the game with - but, alas, it is not!  It's probably not even a game piece you see, recognize, admit to even being present or a part of your game.  But I am here to tell you it is - it is there, hidden under all the chaos.  It is US - you and ME.

The Obsession  - no explanation or definition necessary

This game of codependency --  IS it really just PLAYING GOD?   Yeeee-ooouch! And YES, it is!  Has this become our new "fix", our new "drug of choice"?

Guess what?  That is one game that NEVER ends well, NEVER ends in victory for you or me and NEVER has the reward we are seeking.  We can never win when we play this game - NEVER!!  I will repeat:  Has this become our new "fix", our new "drug of choice"?  Can you see what I am talking about?

Step "away" from the game ....  RE-READ the excerpt .... just for today, try to practice self-love, self-care - get back the "the basics".  And then do it again - tomorrow!

Faith

FAITH -

Definition of FAITH

1

a : allegiance to duty or a person : loyalty

b (1) : fidelity to one's promises (2) : sincerity of intentions

2

a (1) : belief and trust in and loyalty to God (2) : belief in the traditional doctrines of a religion

b (1) : firm belief in something for which there is no proof (2) : complete trust

3

: something that is believed especially with strong conviction; 

— on faith

: without question <took everything he said on faith>

What does yours look like?  Do you have "faith"?  Do you have that "belief" - without question - that things are going to be okay?  That things in your life are going to get better?  That you are okay and that things are the way they are "supposed" to be right now? And if you are not quite buying into that ... that things are going to work out for the best?  Are you struggling with this thing called "faith"?  

For a lot of people, this faith thing is slippery, elusive, confusing.  I always wanted to believe that I had faith and I still believe I have always held onto some form of faith or some level of faith.  I think where the problem comes in is in applying that faith to our lives, our situations, our circumstances.  It's not always an easy task.  I believe that initially I wanted it to be tangible ... something I had proof of in a tangible way.  I wanted to be able to feel it materially.  I wanted to be able to see it with my own eyes.  I wanted to be able to touch it.  Well, you might say that's silly or you might say - "I know exactly what you mean.  That's what I want.  That's what I need."  Yea, well ... that's not how this faith thing works!

I have learned that if I  am looking at the whole picture, and not just through my mind's eye at a specific piece of the whole picture (i.e., that you can stay sober, a job situation, the lack of money at any given moment in time, someone's words to you, or whatever) - if I am able to stop and ask my Higher Power to show me the truth - then I can actually begin to apply my "faith" to that specific situation and I can see the whole picture.  It's like putting a pinhole in a piece of paper and looking through that pinhole and then removing the paper from in front of my eyes and seeing "the whole picture".  Someone once said that that was the difference between my vision and God's vision.  My vision was very narrow, very limited.  My vision always had questions, doubt or expectations attached (or all three).  Then I would start to affix the "well, ok but...." to it.  As you can guess, it took me a while to really learn what "faith" is and how to apply that to my life.  You will notice that I mentioned belief in the first paragraph.  Isn't that what faith is??  Belief - state of mind - innate feeling?  I think it is.  It is something that you can feel!  It is like a warm sweater on a chilly day.  It is like a cozy blanket that calms you and puts you at ease.  It envelopes you so you feel (there's that word, again) safe.

My faith only functions (or works) when I take the wrapper off of my Higher Power ... liken it to walking around with your Higher Power wrapped up like an air freshener stuck in your shirt pocket -- and your life STINKS!!  You tell yourself that you have your faith - it's right here in your pocket! - but at the same time, you are running amok trying to control, figure out, plan, manipulate, arrange, coerce, fix ...  And you wonder why things are the way they are - why everything still stinks!

I also like to think of faith as a muscle.  If I don't exercise it, it goes limp.  And we all know how hard it i to get back in shape.  I have to use it - my faith muscle - to strengthen it.  The more I exercise it, the stronger and bigger it gets!  Now that's exciting!

Once you start doing that, you can sit back and trust in your Higher Power.  If you don't know how to do that - ask!  Ask your Higher Power to help you not doubt - better yet, just thank Him for the ability to not doubt.   Just so you know, there have been countless hours when I would simply have to repeat to myself or out loud, "trust God, trust God, trust God!  I believe, I do have faith" over and over and over.  That helped me get past those moments - sometimes for days on end - when I was sitting in fear and doubt.  And you know what?  Those times passed and I started to "feel" better, calmer, more at ease.  And it got easier for me to access and practice and exercise my faith - little by little. 

Listen folks, take the wrapper off - wrap that blanket around you - slip the sweater on - exercise that faith muscle!  Don't question, doubt, dictate to or put conditions on your Higher Power ... when we do that, we are just putting a wrapper on our faith.  You have to apply it, use it, exercise it!  ...  Let it envelope you, sink into it, feel it - believe it!  It's real!!  And it WORKS!