Change Your Outlook -- Can Do!

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Oh, The Games We Play!

This isn't really a game, is it?  Oddly enough, many of us seem to make it so.  And even more odd - some of us seem to enjoy it!

Hmmmm, you know I read a very timely reading this morning entitled: The Basics, from Melody Beattie's 52 Weeks of Conscious Contact (pg 41, Week 9).  That reading hit me square between the eyes.

Here is the excerpt:

  "Isn't everyone codependent?" a woman asked me.  "Maybe," I said.    It is easy to get embroiled in other people's dramas.  Isn't it even easier to see what other people need to do to take care of themselves, rather than tend to our own affairs? That's when we need to remember the basics of taking care of ourselves.''
    These basics include comfortable living arrangements, enough sleep, proper nutrition and hygiene, social contact, fun or pleasure, taking responsibility for our own emotions, earning enough money to pay our bills, taking responsibility for own own goals and dreams, and saying no -- sometimes to other and sometimes to our own impulses.
    My daughter introduced me to a computer game recently. It's a game where you create a city and get to rule the lives of the people in it. In this game, you get to decide where the people sleep, how much they sleep, when they eat, when they go to the bathroom, when they take a shower, whether they clean up after themselves, when they rest, whether they go to work so they can pay their bills and buy food, how much education they get, and how much they socialize.  Kind of like play God.
    "You can make people go crazy", my daughter explained.  "All you have to do is not let them get enough sleep."
    One of the meanings of "jaded" is being exhausted. Not getting enough sleep, not eating properly, not tending to our own emotions or our social needs can easily cause us to become jaded.
    We make ourselves feel crazy by not tending to the basics. It was tempting to torture the people in the game just to see how they reacted.  Sometimes it's tempting to torture ourselves.

   Value: Self-care, practicing the basics.

Some of us seem to get caught in that swirl of drama, emotions, highs and lows.  We get to assume the roles (game pieces or "icons" ... don't you like the sound of that?  I think some of us do - more than we care to admit.).  We get to be someone or something else, maybe it's someone or something we "think" we should be - other than what/who we are.  (Old belief systems!!)

Now as I sit here writing, some things are occurring to me.  That thing I read the other day (and God knows, something I have actually said to others I do/have done program work with) is crystalizing -- revealing itself to me  --- again!  That thing  about behaviors and the repeating of behaviors and how there is something in us that is "fed" by practicing the behavior and the result produced.   Now, who (that's got more than a couple of days strung together) in recovery wants to believe that?  Hmmm, must be ego blocking my vision.

Now, getting back to the game pieces - here is my interpretation (today) of those pieces, the progression of the game and how we get to play those roles:

The Friend/Partner  - this makes me feel good, a part of
The Helpful Friend/Partner  - this makes me feel really good
The Advisor  - this makes me feel important
The Assistant  - this makes me feel needed
The Caretaker  - this makes me feel needed, useful, helpful, important - until it makes me resentful
The Rescuer/Fixer  - this makes me feel all of the above + capable - until it makes me feel obligated
The Martyr  - this makes me feel obligated but necessary
The Victim  - this makes me feel justified (for feeling angry, resentful, hurt, abused, etc.)
The Repeat Offender  - ** most important or significant game piece ** (referring to the reading above, this can also be identified as the "tortured soul" .... ummm sounds dramatic doesn't it?)  Now one would think this last icon/game piece is that person we are playing the game with - but, alas, it is not!  It's probably not even a game piece you see, recognize, admit to even being present or a part of your game.  But I am here to tell you it is - it is there, hidden under all the chaos.  It is US - you and ME.

The Obsession  - no explanation or definition necessary

This game of codependency --  IS it really just PLAYING GOD?   Yeeee-ooouch! And YES, it is!  Has this become our new "fix", our new "drug of choice"?

Guess what?  That is one game that NEVER ends well, NEVER ends in victory for you or me and NEVER has the reward we are seeking.  We can never win when we play this game - NEVER!!  I will repeat:  Has this become our new "fix", our new "drug of choice"?  Can you see what I am talking about?

Step "away" from the game ....  RE-READ the excerpt .... just for today, try to practice self-love, self-care - get back the "the basics".  And then do it again - tomorrow!

If-Then Thinking by Tommy Rosen - en*theos Big Ideas

If-Then Thinking by Tommy Rosen - en*theos Big Ideas

Good morning all!  Here is another great article --- sorry I don't have time to write this morning but I am off to a new job!  Yes, things DO change, things DO get better .... IF we are patient and wait on God!  Things DO seem to happen for a reason, just at the right time .... better than any of my plans and designs.

Can you say "Ahhh"??  Oh yeah, and, "Thank You!!"  Have a super fabulous day!!!

What to Do When You Fail

What To Do When You Fail  |  by Tommy Rosen Teacher: I am looking for an exceptional student. Prospective Student: What are the requirements you’re looking for? Teacher: Failures! The student needs to have had many failures. Prospective Student: You’ve found the right person. Everyone will have an opportunity to fail at some point in life. Some of the most important lessons will come from the analysis of those failures and the application of the lessons one has learned from them. Remember, when you fail, don’t fail to learn the lesson!

How Do You Feel About YOU??

Do you?  Believe in yourself?   Do you value yourself?  Do you love yourself?  Are these self-seeking or selfish questions?  I think NOT!

Remember that disease we have?  The spiritual malady and the "thinking" that is destructive, non-productive, self-defeating, sabotaging ... you may call it the alcoholic mind (it is also our critical voice)?  Well, that voice inside is developed over years and years.  It becomes anchored because we play it over and over and over and then some!  Our DIS-EASE centers in our mind in not only the medical/physical sense but the spiritual as well .... Everything starts in our mind, in our thinking - that's been proven.  We prove that to ourselves everyday.

So what is going on up there?  Are we constantly criticizing our self, degrading or belittling our self?  Are we constantly comparing our self with others - so we never measure up?  Are we afraid of trying because we are afraid of failing?  Hmmm.   Well, I don't know about you but, I learned to do this, to perpetuate this thinking very covertly going way back to my early childhood.  And I got damn good at it!  Trouble is .... that it was my secret ~~  Remember that saying, "we are only as sick as our secrets?"
Yea, well, as you can imagine - I was pretty sick.  But not so much today!  YAY for that, right?  Well, yes - but I have done a whole lot of work and I still have to be diligent about the things I think, the things I say because they contribute to how I feel and how I treat myself - oh, and eventually, definitely how I treat you.

So I am really committed to certain "things" --  prayer and meditation, processes, inspiring tools to help me remember that I have a choice today!  I can choose to believe that garbage or NOT.  Today, I am convinced that I am NOT all of those things I used to believe about myself (internally) - not what I showed the world, because I actually am some of those things also.  Today, I know that I AM worthy!  That I AM good enough.  That I DO have value - because I value myself.  I know today that it is OK and normal to be fearful of change - good, bad or indifferent.  Change is scary but it doesn't mean I'm week or inferior.  Change is supposed to go from scary to exciting!!

Change, challenge, forward-movement ... those are all exciting things today.  I've come a long way, baby!  Thank God for that!  What about you?  Have you been successful at changing some of those patterns of thinking?  Don't give up!  Keep praying for the willingness and the courage.  Get yourself some tools - great books, daily readers, effective meditation tools, supportive network, etc.  Oh, and USE THEM!!

I do believe today that I have something to contribute to this world ~ although it is quite different from what I used to think I was supposed to contribute way back when.  To be honest, I am not even so sure I was too concerned about contributing to the world at all ... I was more concerned about "getting mine".    I must say that I definitely got mine, some of yours and then some!  I got more than I bargained for actually.  But that life experience is now my greatest asset and I don't regret the path of my life because it has landed me here!

And you know?  This ain't so bad.  I am happy, I am healthy, I am sober and even better ...  I am SANE!!  So, those of you out there that are trekking through your journey to betterment, keep on keepin' on!  Remember that is where the gift is ... in the journey!

Knot's (Not's) Prayer

I believe this speaks for itself and probably to each of us .... Excellent prayer don't you think?

Janice H - YouTube

Janice H - YouTube

Raise Your Vibrational Energy!  You have to watch this!

Change - It's Inevitable

Hello all!

Well, this blog's location has changed to reflect the true author and I am looking forward to expanding topics, including new Uber Cool things, links to music and other media in the near future.

Thank you to all who follow or read and I always welcome feedback, ideas and commentary.

J

How's Your Thinking?

Sometimes we don't realize how powerful our old ways of thinking can be.  These patterns are often below the surface, unintentional and subconscious.  And often, especially when we are newly sober or in a new environment or situation, they drive our actions .... this can often create more challenges for us.  Sometimes we really don't realize just how "negative' our thinking is.  I know my own personal experience lead to someone who really cared about me and my success in life and recovery taking the time to mention what they were observing in my behavior.  Did I want to hear it at that time?  Oh, hell NO!  But I did listen and it made me start to "think".

You could say it "stung" to hear that I was being negative .... and once I got past being mad, indignant and feeling sorry for myself, I was able to look at that comment more objectively.  And, guess what?  I WAS carrying a negative outlook around and I would whip it out the minute something was contrary to me staying in my "comfort zone".  Well, as mentioned, I also started noticing how often it made potentially bad situations worse.

I am happy to say that through all of this, it created a willingness in me to work on becoming aware of this behavior and to take some steps to move away from that.

Here is a link to a helpful article about the topic:

Power of Positive Thinking

To Thine Own Self Be True

Do you ever "discount" yourself?

Do you ever treat yourself as though you are not as valuable as others?

Do you ever sell yourself short?

No?  Are you sure about that?

Do you ever put someone else's needs or wants before your own?  Well, I'll bet if you take a good hard look at your situations, you may be surprised.

These are times when we believe it is important to "keep the peace, not rock the boat, help, make a concession, be the bigger person, and on and on".  Sometimes those are instances of discounting yourself - placing less importance or value on our own desires, needs, or wants.  Be careful about that my friend - sometimes those actions (or behaviors) will end up leaving you with a big fat resentment as your reward!

It can be difficult to discern what the right action is - especially when we are new to recovery.  Sometimes a situation or environment is the "new" thing.  Sometimes we may believe that we are solid in our recovery, doing the deal, on the beam, walking the walk --- then BOOM!  Something new, different, unexpected or unusual will emerge suddenly, out of the blue.  Those unexpected twists and turns can be dangerous and sort of rock our world.  It may be our intention is to "be of service" to someone else or some situation ---- if it makes you question yourself, pay attention to that!

Pay attention to how you feel - deep down - not on the surface.  How does it truly resonate with you and within you to perform this action?  Most times, it is not the initial instance that creates an uneasiness.  It is the pattern that may emerge if it is repeated over and over - this is when you may notice it doesn't "feel right for you".

P-A-U-S-E ... honor that uneasiness and take a step back.  Ask yourself, "is this really the right thing to do - for ME?  Am I doing God's will or my will?"

When we get the answer ... "uh, probably not or I am not so sure".  Call your sponsor - go back to the basics of your program.  Talk to someone in the program that you respect.

You may find that the "service" you started out performing has evolved into "DISservice" to you and the situation and probably others beyond that.  Suddenly, you have put yourself on the clearance rack!  You have marked down the value, the price, the importance of being true to thine own self.

Don't be a disservice to yourself!  Doing that becomes a disservice not only to you - but to others and especially the very thing, person, situation you were trying to serve in the first place!!  By this point, you have most likely crossed that line from service to controlling or enabling or both.  YIKES -- time to RUN - back to that safe place for you - to God's will for you!!

Remember, YOU ARE VALUABLE!!!  If I am treating myself only 40% well --- then I am only capable of giving 40% service to anyone or anything -- and that is a stretch!  Do yourself a favor - honor yourself first!

And besides, you can't give away what you don't have!  So give yourself a gift!  To Thine Own Self - Be True!!!

Perseverance

“Let me not pray to be sheltered from dangers,

but to be fearless in facing them.

Let me not beg for the stilling of my pain, but

for the heart to conquer it.” 

― Rabindranath Tagore

Geez, why does this have to happen now?  Why is this happening to me?  Ever find yourself asking those questions?  Or how about .... I can't believe this is happening right now.

We, LIFE HAPPENS!  Good, bad, sad, horrible, happy, joyous, fun - and everything in between.  The trick is not to stop, not to give in, not to lay down, and not to give up.  Keep moving forward.  Embrace and accept whatever life sends your way, remember that nothing is forever.  Keep your faith, work your program, connect to those around you who are safe and encouraging.

Before you know it -- you will be in a different place.  And you will be able to look back and say, "Wow, I made it through.  I am still intact.  I am stronger for the challenge."  That's a wonderful thing!!

Now go have the best day ever!  

Cloudy Skies ~ Sunny Skies

Have you been thrown a curve ball lately?

Some unforeseen event that throws you for a loop??  And now, the sky has gone dark and things look bleak to you?  Have you lost some of your hope?

Boy, it is sometimes hard to see the sun through the clouds - isn't it?
I am grateful that I have a program of recovery that IF I work it, will alter my perspective and my outlook.

Life is going to throw challenges in your path - you can bet on that.  But if you work your steps, stay connected to your sponsor and work on that conscious contact with your Higher Power ~ guess what??
The clouds WILL part and the sun WILL peek out.  If your gratitude and attitude are in alignment with God's will for you - you will see the possibilities of a wonderful day unfolding in front of you.  Start right there!!

New Beginnings

Ahhh!!  That is such a welcome and wonderful sign, don't you think?  I know it is for me. Each year has its ups and down, high spots and low spots and then we get a brand new year.  While it is very true that we get a new day every, filled with God's grace, a new year is something quite different.  It's like a new chapter in a book.  We are free to have new adventures, new experiences, new discoveries.  NEW HOPE!!  (I never get enough of that!!  In this instance, "more" is better.)

No matter how good your previous year may have been, it is always exciting to begin a new one!  What are you going to do different this year?  What will you do better this year?  Will you have more gratitude? More humility?

What goals will you set or meet?  What distractions will you leave in last year?  Who will you help? What will you offer this new year - to the universe, to your family, to your friends, to your community -- to yourself?

I would love to hear your responses .... Happy, happy, joy, joy to all!

End of 2012

How did you end the year?  With regrets, resentments of any kind?  Are you dragging disappointment, heartache or hard-heartedness into the new year?

Well, STOP!!!  Stop right in your tracks ---  ask for the willingness to forgive, get out your notebook and do the inventory, work that 4th step and leave that behind!!  Surrender it to your Higher Power!  Move out of that space and into gratitude.

Leave all that other stuff in last year .... there is no room in this new year for any of that baggage!!

Oh, the Gratitude you can absolutely bring with you!!!!!  It is highly recommended you do just that!

So long 2012.....

On the Edge

Every felt like you were "on the edge" .... of "something"?  But you were really uncertain what that "something" was?  Did you fight it?  Did you go with it?  Did you hesitate and ask questions?  Did you pause and begin to search inward for some clarity?

If you thought you knew what it was that you needed to do but found that you balked ... again and again - what happened next?  Where did you go from there?  To God?  What if you believed you knew what God was saying but you still had trouble following through?

Why do we make things like this so damn hard sometimes?  Is it courage we are lacking?  Is it fear ..... that we "don't" know what's going to happen next?  Or that we won't like it?

Or is it fear that we "do" know what's going to happen next?  (Really?)  Do any of us really know what's going to happen next?  I don't think so - not completely anyway.  I think we want to believe we know, or maybe we are afraid that we might know, or maybe we are afraid that we don't know - and then, we are just afraid - period!

Don't know about you - but I hate that place!  So, why is it that I can find myself there sometimes --- up there, like the image.  Teetering on the edge - frozen with fear - STUCK !

Sometimes we just have to pray for the courage, pray for the ability to DO - to trust God more fully - WITHOUT KNOWING WHAT'S GOING TO HAPPEN NEXT .... and then, trust God some more and just JUMP!

STUCK? Work a Step!!

 Step Work .... Do I have faith it will work? 

Well, apparently if I am feeling stuck - it is usually in an emotion ... a feeling - most often fear of "something".  Do I need faith in them before I make a start?  NO!  I just need the willingness to work a step to the best of my ability.  If I am not a newcomer, I can usually determine which step applies to what I am experiencing.  BUT, a good rule of thumb is to go back to Step One - Admitting I am Powerless.  Because that is basically our dilemma - no power!  Which, for us, usually translates to "no control!!!"  Yikes!  Who likes THAT feeling?  I usually don't but it is the truth about much.  And that is okay. Control, most times, is an illusion anyway.

Happy ~ Happy ~ Joy ~ Joy

I just know that if I am "twisted, off center, disturbed" mentally, emotionally or spiritually about anything - working a step on that situation, that perception, that feeling or emotion - ALWAYS brings me relief.

Geez!!!  I feel better already!!!  :-)

Hmmm -- What Does Your "Feelings Meter" Read Today?

Feelings are just feelings; there is no morality in the feeling, only in our behavior. 

Things that make you go "Hmmm".  That is what  I happened when I read that line above.  Well, actually... it was the words morality and behavior that kicked my gut and got my brain humming.

How many of you stopped in your tracks when you read that line?  Hmmm.

Things really change for us when we start living sober.  "Say what?  You mean I can't justify my bad behavior any more?"  I must say that those were my thoughts once I started working the steps and taking inventory and I was none too happy about that either.  But it was pointed out to me that working a program of recovery included doing my inventory (not taking someone else's) and learning a new design for living.  Oh yea - that's right! My old way of living didn't work any more.  And learning to live differently meant learning to live by spiritual principles (What the .... ???)

Well, as I worked the steps and worked on developing a conscious contact with my Higher Power, the more I came to understand what that meant - for me at least.

I needed to get rid of the excuses in my life and I needed to stop allowing my feelings to run me and my life.  What I was given the task of doing was examining why my feelings were so powerful and why they held court over me and my actions.  The main reason was because before I got sober, I avoided my feelings by self-medicating or I acted out in irrational and selfish ways (I know --- hard to believe, right?  ME, selfish??)  . . . so I never learned how to address them in a healthy manner.  I never truly addressed any of those "feelings".

Through working my program AND with the objective guidance of my sponsor, I began to realize that they are only feelings - not action items!  They may not even necessarily be the truth --- and what they usually turned out to be was something fear-based (99.99% of the time actually!).

My program teaches me what to do when fear starts creeping into my mind . . . I must turn it over to my Higher Power.  When I think of that concept, I can usually locate a behavior that is more in alignment with my new moral or spiritual compass (yes, I actually have those today).  And when I am willing to do just that, I don't have that messy mess to clean up.  Hooray for that!!

So, tell me - do your feelings hold you captive today?  Do your feelings run your life?  Send me a comment.

Trusting God

I am challenging you to share with me some examples of how you are "trusting God" in your life today.

How has doing this been helpful to you in your life or your recovery?

What has been the most difficult for you in all of this?

Join this blog, sign up to become a member or just post your comments below!!

Do You Hear When You Listen?

Are you HEARING me?  I mean, really hearing me?

How well do you listen?

• Do you interrupt while someone is talking to you?  Is this a reaction to a word or snippet of what they are attempting to say versus a response to what has been said?

• Do you listen to your own body?  Like that anxious or hurried feeling we sometimes feel from drinking too much coffee first thing in the morning?

• Are you watching someone talking to you and daydreaming about something else and commenting just to have something to say?

Learning to listen well takes practice.   At least it did for me.  It took me learning to quiet my own mind because the chatter going on in my own head was relentless.  One of the things that really, really helped me learn to become a better listener was meditation.  Meditation helped me quiet my mind .... go figure :-)

I find that when I am in a calm place (internally - which is what results for me when I meditate regularly) that I can listen with intention. I actually "hear" what is being said and I do not automatically react (which for me used to equal "giving advice") - an old behavior of mine.

Today, I can actually respond - or not.  (Was there even a question being asked?)  When I do respond, it is after I have thought about what was actually said.  Then, and only then, can I determine whether a response at all is even necessary.

Sometimes people just need someone to listen - nothing more.

Today, I do not view myself as being "the authority on everything" that I MUST respond (or react) to everything that is being said.

And who says you can't teach an old dawg new tricks???

Discipline

Is this what you think when you hear the word "discipline"?  We all need structure and discipline in recovery.  What exactly does that mean for us?  This means the day-to-day performing of tasks whether these are recovery behaviors or washing the dishes or brushing your teeth and taking a shower or showing up for a job interview on time or attending our meetings or doing our step work.

When we are in our addiction, we move far away from normal, healthy day-to-day behaviors because our main priority is feeding our addiction.  When we come into recovery, most (if not all) of us have to relearn these behaviors.  We seem to forget how to plan and organize our day ahead of time, how to be accountable with the simplest things and even how to clean up after ourselves ...  and we end up "flying by the seat of our pants".  Developing discipline helps move us toward feeling capable and confident again in ourselves as worthy, functioning human beings.

It's funny how we "feel" like we ARE being responsible and accountable.  But we must ask ourselves - what is the TRUTH?  We run on our emotions - which lie to us!  It takes us a little while to let go our old belief system because the book tells us we can no longer determine the "true" from the "false".  The uncommon (for a healthy person) has become common to us.

Example:

Sleeping until 5 minutes before I have to fly out the door to catch a bus. Now this seems completely normal to me at first because this is what I have been doing for awhile now. Today, that behavior screams to me: You are living like you lived in your addiction! And the truth is that today, I am not in my addiction - I am sober and must relearn how to live like I am sober and responsible and accountable and worthy of a wonderful life. So while living in a sober house, I get a reminder and if that reminder doesn't spur me into different action, boundaries are set and I get consequences (which I usually don't see as pleasant - or fair - or what I think I deserve .... sound familiar??). 

I can laugh about that today because my behaviors have changed and I am no longer a victim to that addict thinking.  And at the end of the day - the uncommon becomes common to me (again) - but now it's right-side up instead of up-side down.  Yay!!!

One of the beauties of living in a sober environment is that we have models and guides around us. We have rules put in place for a purpose. We have the opportunity to learn from others and model healthy behaviors of those who have been there longer than us. And we get to practice these new behaviors and we get to have consequences if we don't. Consequences always seem to be such great motivators, don't they??

Tell me - how is your discipline today?  Tell me some of your experiences with this -- send me a comment!

Character

How's your character?  Is it where you want it to be?  What are you doing to work towards integrity?

Quote by Billy Graham:

"Integrity is the glue that holds our way of life together. 

We must constantly strive to keep our integrity intact. 

When wealth is lost, nothing is lost. 

When health is lost, something is lost. 

When character is lost, all is lost."

What say YOU about that??  Please send me your comments on how you apply this to your life in recovery.

Hows the Quality of your Recovery?

                                                                                      

• Do you have a sponsor?  Do you use that relationship, are you staying in touch?
• Are you working your steps?
• Are you practicing your prayer and meditation on a daily basis?  
• Are you reading your big book?
• Are you going to meetings?
• Are you using your tools when you need them?
• Are you doing your nightly review?
• Are you helping others?

These things are important pieces to make our "new way of living" puzzle complete.  Even if I don't do these things perfectly, I must do them to the best of my ability and I MUST remember - I can never pick up that first drink or drug.  It doesn't matter how long I have been sober, I still need to practice these things AND I must never pick up - no matter what!

So, tell me ... what does your recovery look like?

Step Work? Ugh!

"Geez, step work - ugh!"

Is that your response when your sponsor or someone suggests that maybe you need to do some step work on "that issue"?  Well ... you are not alone!  I guarantee you that.  But it is true what they say:  "when your pain becomes great enough - you become willing to do the work!"

How do I know that?  I am human - just like you - and sometimes I forget.  I cannot tell you how important it is to "use your tools" of recovery.  Things can seem to change virtually overnight by getting back on your step work.  There is a reason that we have to work the steps.  There is a tried and proven reason that we have to do them in order.  There is direct evidence that this stuff really works!

Whether you are new in recovery or not, take the plunge!  Start working your steps with a sponsor.  You will definitely start getting some direction and relief.  And, you will find that when you begin to become complacent (and there is a high probability that you will experience that on your journey) .... once you start doing the work again, all sorts of amazing things will begin to happen for you and in your life.  You will be convinced!

Now - pick up your tools and get started!  Let me now through your comments about your personal experiences with this ...  I can't wait to hear from you!

Faith

FAITH -

Definition of FAITH

1

a : allegiance to duty or a person : loyalty

b (1) : fidelity to one's promises (2) : sincerity of intentions

2

a (1) : belief and trust in and loyalty to God (2) : belief in the traditional doctrines of a religion

b (1) : firm belief in something for which there is no proof (2) : complete trust

3

: something that is believed especially with strong conviction; 

— on faith

: without question <took everything he said on faith>

What does yours look like?  Do you have "faith"?  Do you have that "belief" - without question - that things are going to be okay?  That things in your life are going to get better?  That you are okay and that things are the way they are "supposed" to be right now? And if you are not quite buying into that ... that things are going to work out for the best?  Are you struggling with this thing called "faith"?  

For a lot of people, this faith thing is slippery, elusive, confusing.  I always wanted to believe that I had faith and I still believe I have always held onto some form of faith or some level of faith.  I think where the problem comes in is in applying that faith to our lives, our situations, our circumstances.  It's not always an easy task.  I believe that initially I wanted it to be tangible ... something I had proof of in a tangible way.  I wanted to be able to feel it materially.  I wanted to be able to see it with my own eyes.  I wanted to be able to touch it.  Well, you might say that's silly or you might say - "I know exactly what you mean.  That's what I want.  That's what I need."  Yea, well ... that's not how this faith thing works!

I have learned that if I  am looking at the whole picture, and not just through my mind's eye at a specific piece of the whole picture (i.e., that you can stay sober, a job situation, the lack of money at any given moment in time, someone's words to you, or whatever) - if I am able to stop and ask my Higher Power to show me the truth - then I can actually begin to apply my "faith" to that specific situation and I can see the whole picture.  It's like putting a pinhole in a piece of paper and looking through that pinhole and then removing the paper from in front of my eyes and seeing "the whole picture".  Someone once said that that was the difference between my vision and God's vision.  My vision was very narrow, very limited.  My vision always had questions, doubt or expectations attached (or all three).  Then I would start to affix the "well, ok but...." to it.  As you can guess, it took me a while to really learn what "faith" is and how to apply that to my life.  You will notice that I mentioned belief in the first paragraph.  Isn't that what faith is??  Belief - state of mind - innate feeling?  I think it is.  It is something that you can feel!  It is like a warm sweater on a chilly day.  It is like a cozy blanket that calms you and puts you at ease.  It envelopes you so you feel (there's that word, again) safe.

My faith only functions (or works) when I take the wrapper off of my Higher Power ... liken it to walking around with your Higher Power wrapped up like an air freshener stuck in your shirt pocket -- and your life STINKS!!  You tell yourself that you have your faith - it's right here in your pocket! - but at the same time, you are running amok trying to control, figure out, plan, manipulate, arrange, coerce, fix ...  And you wonder why things are the way they are - why everything still stinks!

I also like to think of faith as a muscle.  If I don't exercise it, it goes limp.  And we all know how hard it i to get back in shape.  I have to use it - my faith muscle - to strengthen it.  The more I exercise it, the stronger and bigger it gets!  Now that's exciting!

Once you start doing that, you can sit back and trust in your Higher Power.  If you don't know how to do that - ask!  Ask your Higher Power to help you not doubt - better yet, just thank Him for the ability to not doubt.   Just so you know, there have been countless hours when I would simply have to repeat to myself or out loud, "trust God, trust God, trust God!  I believe, I do have faith" over and over and over.  That helped me get past those moments - sometimes for days on end - when I was sitting in fear and doubt.  And you know what?  Those times passed and I started to "feel" better, calmer, more at ease.  And it got easier for me to access and practice and exercise my faith - little by little. 

Listen folks, take the wrapper off - wrap that blanket around you - slip the sweater on - exercise that faith muscle!  Don't question, doubt, dictate to or put conditions on your Higher Power ... when we do that, we are just putting a wrapper on our faith.  You have to apply it, use it, exercise it!  ...  Let it envelope you, sink into it, feel it - believe it!  It's real!!  And it WORKS!

The Serenity Prayer

Good morning all!  It has been almost a week since I posted.  Remember that saying, "be prepared because LIFE happens"?  Well, I am here to say there is nothing truer than that!  Life does happen and it ain't always pretty, but we must trudge forth and stay grounded and connected to our Higher Power (who I choose to call God) and our programs.  I happened across this version of the Serenity Prayer in some of my recovery paperwork and, I must say, it is quite interested indeed.  While I am not advocating that anyone must be of any particular or specific religious persuasion or that you must read the Bible (that is strictly personal choice) - I just thought it was interesting and could prove very helpful to anyone who may not understand the purpose of the prayer.  It certainly gave me food for thought.  Enjoy!  

May each of you have a very blessed, peaceful and serene day.  Never give up hope for a better today, tomorrow and future.  No matter what life throws at you --- you can overcome with the help of a Higher Power of your own understanding, a network of encouraging fellow travelers, the guidance of a sponsor, a 12-step fellowship of your choosing and FAITH that there is a wonderful plan for your life .... even if you cannot see it right now!  Never quit, never loose your connection and never forget you have a spiritual toolkit at your feet .... you just have to pick it up!  Open it, use your tools and TRUST YOUR HIGHER POWER.

Today I am focusing on courage .... what about you??